Sky Diving and Other Terrifying Things

A good friend of mine once told me that my life was governed by fear and she wished that would change.

It was one of those statements that hits you full in the solar plexus.  After knocking the breath out of you it worms your way up past your heart and settles deep in your brain.  You deny this thought and you bury it deep in the layered, complex organ that is the brain and try to forget about it.  But inevitably, throughout the course of events, it pops up again, shorting out your mental circuits and bringing you to a cognitive halt.  You examine that statement for truths; reflect on if the events in your life either live up to the statement or refute it, and then you do your best to bury it again. You reboot the system, and continue with the status quo.

As I said, thoughts like these do not stay buried, and they refuse to leave you in peace; you eventually have to take that statement out of your mental vault, sit down with a good cup of tea (or gin), and examine the truth in it that is making those words impossible to forget in the first place.

It turns out this good friend of mine was right. Fear did rule my life.
Fear of disappointing people.
Fear of letting people down.
Fear of failure.
Fear of doing the wrong thing or making the wrong choice.
Fear of spiders, heights, and large social gatherings.

Well, a little more than a year ago, I decided to try and stop this.  You can't help being afraid of things.  But you can help how much you let that fear influence your decision making.  Or deciding not to allow it to affect your peace of mind.  And that is the change I was determined to make.

I can't say I've been 100% successful.  If my life has been governed by fear, well that governing body has been ruling the system unchecked for 28 years, so change is gradual.  Like saying "no" when I don't want to do something instead of agreeing to do it just because I am afraid of disappointing someone.

And then sometimes this change is a tad drastic.  Which is why in a few weeks I will be throwing myself out of a perfectly good airplane (blog post about that will follow--hopefully) strapped to the back of a professional, and attached to a parachute (and probably just a little drunk).

Am I excited about this? Yes. And also no.  I am terrified.  I am omgomgomgomg-what-am-i-doing-piss-my-pants-terrified.  But it's something I've been thinking about doing for a few years now (actually, ever since my sister told me that I would never do it--implying that I was too afraid.  Or maybe her statement was implication-free, but that's the message I received).  So when one of my co-workers mentioned wanting to go, and I mentioned a similar desire, we booked it.  It's happening. Because I refuse to be too afraid to do it.  Maybe that's stupid.  The Fear agrees that it is stupid.

I'm not going to lie, if I were to do something this terrifying again, I would probably not book it two months in advance.  Two months to wonder what the hell I was thinking.  Two months to tempt me into backing out of it.  Two months for the Fear to make some pretty compelling arguments.  Two months for the Fear to win.

I am not sure (being several weeks from the jump) who will win.  Me or Fear. (hopefully not gravity). I'll keep you posted.

Speed Bumps Are the New Stop Signs

In China, we did not drive.  In fact, I can think of only two times, in the whole time I was there, that I was not going from Point A to Point B (bicycling/walking not included) in some form of public (bus, taxi, rickshaw) transportation.   And honestly, I didn't really feel that something was missing from my life.  Sure, I missed my car, and I missed driving...but if you've ever seen the traffic in China, well you'd understand.  I had no desire (or need--public transportation rocks there) to drive in China.


Well, in terms of desire, Bahrain is pretty much the same.  I do not want to drive in this land.  However, public transportation here?  Not really a thing.  Yeah, they're taxis, but you have to call them, they are not just littering the streets, loitering, practically waiting outside your apartment complex just for you (as they are in China).  Buses are not really popular.   So in terms of need, you sort of need to be able to drive if you want to feel like you have any mobility or independence on this island.

Thankfully, renting a car, particularly when you start working with a bunch of other newly arrived teachers, is quite simple.  Everyone is looking to rent a car and no one really wants to take on the entire financial burden themselves, at least not initially.  I began renting a red Nissan Tilda with four other teachers, for about $100 dollars per month per person, insurance included.  Which, when  you think about rental companies in the States, this not bad at all.  If you are American, you basically just need to apply for a Bahraini driver's license and they pretty much just give it to you. You can drive with your American one for the first 3 months anyway.   Also, filling up your gas tank in Bahrain?  About $13 dollars.

Now, I know what you've got to be thinking right about now (especially if you thinking about the soaring gas prices): what is this girl complaining about?!  Well, let me tell you a little bit about driving in Bahrain.

1.  These are some of the most aggressive drivers I have ever encountered.  Imagine everyone on the road is a New York City cab driver.   These guys take no prisoners when they are driving.  There is no right of way; it's whoever has the biggest stones to wedge their car in that space first and then not blink (or budge) as others try and push their way in.  If you are going to make a move (change a lane, try to budge into a crowded lane in high traffic, etc), you just got to do it--any hesitation means you are not getting in that lane. Like you know that two foot gap you leave between you and the car in front of  you when stopped at a light?  Yeah, someone will come careening up to you at a breakneck speed and angle the nose of their car into that space, the rest of their car parallel to yours and about a layer of paint away. Signalling is not really a thing; a signal only seems to be turned on when trying to budge your way into a lane does not work (like when they edge in and you are all like, "oh heeeell, no" and proceed to inch up closer to the bumper of the guy in front of you). And no one is afraid to liberally utilize their horns...for any reason. Driving here requires nerves of steel and blood pressure medication.  And an ability to adapt and to tap into latent aggression. Check.

2.  Speed bumps are the new stop sign.  There are very few honest-to-goodness stop signs in this land  Instead, to slow people down at the intersection that is too small for a traffic light, but too busy to just leave alone, we have the speed bump.   These are not your average speed bump.  They are huge. If you go over these much over 10-15 mph you are going to seriously bottom out your car (this is really easy to do, especially at night when you cannot always see them).

Now, these work, for the most part, to slow people down and allow people a chance to complete a turn at those medium-traffic intersections.  However, at intersections without speed bumps (stop signs are ignored), it's pretty much every-man-for-himself chaos.  Again, the person who is going to get where they are going first is the one that is the most aggressive.  There is no allow-the-person-to-your-right to go first nonsense when you both pull up to an intersection.  Sometimes two people of equal parts aggression will go at the same time, getting in each others way, and in general mucking up traffic, until they manage to squeeze past each other by about a centimeter.

3.  Parking.  Unless it is specifically marked that you cannot park there, then pretty much anywhere is a potential parking space.  This means that many of the side streets are lined with parked cars.  Parked cars, particularly when making turns at these speed-bump-controlled intersections, make perfect covers for oncoming traffic (and the occasional jaywalking pedestrian).  They also have a tendency to narrow the streets considerably (and some of these back streets cannot really afford to be narrowed).  This means that if you are on one of these narrowed streets and someone is headed towards you (because they are two-way streets, technically) you get to play this game where you sort of squish your car into any available space (or really, really close to those parked cars on the side of the street).  You then sort of hold your breath as you slip past each other by about a nano-meter.

4. Roundabouts.  I know (like pretty much all of these) that the complete and utter confusion inspired by the roundabout is a completely American problem.  Or maybe it's just mine.  But back home, we don't have very many roundabouts.  This means that we (or, at least I) have no idea how to drive in one.  Particularly during heavy traffic, a relatively small roundabout, and some very aggressive drivers.  Every time I enter one of these I pretty much forget everything I have ever learned about driving and I just get out and hope that the exit I manage to make it to first is the one that I need.

However frustrating (and sometimes terrifying) these four things are, they are all my problems.  The drivers on the road?  They are doing things right--they are simply driving the way that is driven in Bahrain.  I am the problem, because I am the the one that is used to driving in different circumstances.  But I'm learning.  I also apologize in advance for anyone on the road with me when I return to the States.

I am so sorry I don't have any photos/videos of this,because its something to see.  But hey, I'm driving people, not on my phone.