Reverse Culture Shock

So I am taking a brief detour from talking about teaching in China to talk about something that has been on my mind for the past few weeks: Culture Shock.  And its evil twin, Reverse Culture Shock.  With the former,  you are generally pretty prepared. You've researched cultural and environmental differences, you've talked to people who have traveled there, you've consulted the internet; you are prepared.  Even if you are not very familiar with the place you are going to be traveling too, you have the expectation that it is going to be different, that you will have to make adjustments; that things will not be the same.

And of course it sucks to leave your friends...

...and your cat! (Even if the cat was not very nice)

However, coming home is an entirely different experience.  It is not that America, or wherever you come from, has changed.  Of course it has changed; people have moved, graduated, gotten new jobs, had kids, got married, etc. But what you do not anticipate, that for all the changes that have been happening, the lives being lived in your absence, so much is still the same.  And there you are, or in this case me, bursting with with this huge experience, with all these stories, all of these amazing things that have happened in the last 2 years.  And its not just that you don't have anyone to tell them to, because you will have many people with varying degrees of interest asking you about it, but you don't even know where to start.  Its not just that you went on vacation for a few weeks, you lived there.  Where do you begin to summarize 2 years of life?  And when people ask you "How was China?", how do you know what is relevant?  What about 2 years of life do you want to know about? I mean, I ate breakfast everyday just like you did, except I ate it in a different time zone.

This is a sad facsimile of Chinese food.  I would not recommend trying the American version of your away-countries food for a few weeks after your return. It will not be the same. 

It's that sameness that is probably the most disconcerting when you arrive.  And then there is you, who has just been reshaped into this new person, who is trying to be crammed back into the pattern, the routine, the mold, that you had fit in so perfectly not that long ago.  And you don't fit.  And so you either have to make yourself fit, which will be uncomfortable for you, or try to carve out a new mold, which will likely be uncomfortable for those around you (although, the latter is probably the better option for your long term peace of mind. If you are only home for a few weeks before going away again, don't bother).

And for you and your friends and family back home, the changes that have been happening have been gradual.  The difference is that the people back home have witnessed on a daily basis these gradual changes. Just like the new friends you have made abroad have gradually witnessed your transformation.  The problem is you have not been in constant contact with the people back home, nor they with you.  And so everyone's life is running quite smoothly, and then you crash into this orderly existence where no one has witnessed your changes gradually and everyone around you seems relatively unchanged.  So it throws you for a loop for a few weeks, that is for sure.

Additionally, you are so excited to see people and do things that you have not been able to see or do since leaving, and in my case, I was gone a pretty long time.  So I had built up quite a few high expectations (always a mistake) that America now had to live up to.

CHEEEEEEEESE! The best and oft-missed part of America. 

Of course, to combat reverse culture shock, you really should prepare before you come home, although, I had very good information on it from two very reliable sources (thank you Liv and Dave) and I still had some trouble.  You should also hold onto the things about the visiting country that you really couldn't stand.  Because after a few weeks home, just like you did with your home country, you start to idealize the country and culture you left.  So make a list of the things that are frustrating about your visiting country and revisit them when you are feeling particularly Not-Homesick.  Also make a list of all the things you really missed about your home country, and again, revisit that list when your home country is starting to make you crazy.  And when you get home, stay busy.  Visit people, start planning what's next, and keep in touch with people either still in that visiting country or who have also recently returned.  Because it is really good to be home...at least for a little while, before you jet off to somewhere else.

And of course there is family...

And my car.