China v.s. Bahrian: Preparations

So, I am going to Bahrain in four months.  I have completed my physical, signed my contract, and got all my paperwork in order. 

I have to say, I am still pretty chill about the whole thing...as long as I don't think about it too much.  If I dig beneath the layers, I start to feel these little bursts of anxiety.  It's kind of like when you wiggle a sore tooth; you push it and prod it, until you get that sharp pain, and then you stop and leave it alone.  That is what I do when I think of Bahrain; if I start thinking about it too much, I feel that anxiety start to bubble up, and immediately start thinking about something else--burying those anxiety causing thoughts under layers of much more pleasant thoughts such as "what's for lunch?" Or I throw  myself into some kind of project, like a blog post or deciding all the furniture in my room needs to be moved around.   So basically I go about my life not really thinking about Bahrain, beyond getting the things done I to in order to leave.   So I am not really sure how I feel about it (as many have been asking where my head is at concerning my upcoming departure).

This is in stark contrast to my pre-China emotions.  From the moment I learned that I was going to China--because I did not find out I had the job until mid-May (and me without my passport...)--it was on my mind 24/7.  China was literally on my mind from the moment I woke up in the morning til I went to sleep at night; sleep was my only respite--which was often interrupted and fitful.  I would find myself standing in front of my mirror, toothbrush half hanging out of my mouth; I have no idea how long I'd been standing there staring at myself (long enough for the line of toothpaste drool to dry a little) just thinking about all the "what ifs" concerning China. "How am I going to teach ESL? My background is in Social Studies."  "Where I am going to live?"  "How am I supposed to get around?" "Where will I live?" "Should I learn Chinese? Maybe I can audit a course over the summer?" "What if this is just some elaborate scam? Is there a real-life Liam Neesson and can I get his number?"  I would find myself immobile in the middle of tasks (pouring milk, getting something out of the fridge, taking someones order at work), staring into space, thinking about China.

Of course part of my lack of anxiety might be that this will not be my first rodeo (finally--it seems like my life has been full of firsts the last couple of years). I may not have been to Bahrain (or anywhere in the region) before, but I have traveled and lived abroad before.  I know that I don't really know what its going to be like, so what-ifs are sort of useless.  I also know that its not going to be terrible, or wonderful; it will just be life--just like life anywhere else.

I think another contributing factor in my emotional tranquility about this move is I that I have known about it since January.  In the case of China, I had emailed my former professor about employment, but other than a brief email indicating excitement over my interest in the job, I did not get the good news (that I was hired) until the day after graduation in May.  In the case of Bahrain, I had been looking for a position for eight months and planned for the job fair months in advance.  While I had not given much thought to Bahrain in particular, I had done some research on the country.  I knew the countries represented at this fair, and I knew that I would be applying for a social studies position, and I knew that if I was offered a job, it would begin in the following September at one of those per-researched countries.  Additionally, thanks to the exhaustive data available on the Search Associates website, I also knew the relative salary and benefits of the schools attending the fair.

Perhaps a third reason for my relative calmness on Bahrain is how "legitimate" finding this particular job was. I mean, I have no complaints about how I got to China (especially since I had no problems).  I owe a great deal to my professor for not only the invite, but arranging my transportation, and getting me settled when I arrived.  However I had little communication with the school that was hiring me; I did not sign a contract until I had been in the country for two weeks--I went to China on the basis of an email.   My  job in Bahrain, however, was found through a company called Search Associates.  This company charges a membership fee, requires you to fill out a very detailed personal and professional background, educational background, a biography, explanation of your educational philosophy, and requires a minimum of five letters of recommendation.  If you are approved, you are allowed access to a data base of fully vetted schools (and they have access to your profile) looking for teachers in our field.  You are also invited to a job fair (held in locations all around the world) that brings recruiters and teachers together for interviews.   I mean China turned out just fine (awesome, actually) but if it hadn't, I am pretty sure people would be saying, "Well, what did you expect, Rach, you went on the basis of a few emails with a virtual stranger!"  There is something reassuring (if more time-consuming and expensive) about going through a company.

I think the reason why I have not been delving too deeply into my feelings on Bahrain is not only because of the anxiety that actually exists about my trip, but (and I know this sounds insane) because I am afraid of being afraid of this move.  And I desperately don't want to be afraid (and constantly thinking about) my experience in Bahrain the way I was about China.  The level of anxiety I had about China was all consuming, and since I have months to go still on leaving for Bahrain, I do not want to have that same ever-present anxiety eating at me for all that time. 

Since thinking about why I am not thinking about Bahrain has in fact, got me thinking about Bahrain, I have noticed some things that are encouraging.  I've felt these little bursts, that sometimes feel like anxiety, but I think are actually excitement.  The kind of excitement you get before doing something crazy, like roller coasters or bungee jumping.  I mean, you are excited, but also nervous, and sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.  But I think this is excitement; I am leaving the familiar and foraying into the unfamiliar.  There will be new things to explore.  I will be working full time in what I have been trained to do. There are new challenges awaiting me; new job, new country, new apartment, new culture, (new Rachel? Probably unavoidable).  It's a lot to be anxious about, but it's also a lot to be pretty stoked about; I am not sure which one I am (probably a healthy mix of both) but I am going to see how much longer I can get away with "I'll think about it tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day.*"


Rachel Elizabeth


*Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind,