The Closet Extrovert

I am taking a brief, one-post-long, hiatus from the China-travel-stuff to talk about something that has been kicking around in my mind a lot lately...probably for the last year or two.

I spent the first 23 or so years of my life identifying with what all those personality tests call "the introvert." Now, society seems to (inaccurately, of course) paint these people as the dark-clad, eye-contact-avoiding, stuttering, awkward weirdos that everyone in the office seems to want to avoid.  Don't get me wrong, stick me into certain anxiety inducing scenarios and I have (and probably will again) morphed into just that person.  But I think I have been misdiagnosed.  Or perhaps incompletely diagnosed is a better way to put it.

Most of these personality tests ask you about how you prefer to spend your leisure time, how you interact in work and social situations, and what kind of activities you prefer.  When you finish, it tells you whether or not you fall into those two categories--the introvert or the extrovert.  There is typically a little blurb at the end that tells you what, in generalities, your personality is like.   These things tell me that I do not like calling attention to myself and avoid being at the center of it, that I need a lot of time alone, etc.  They are about as accurate as your horoscope; they have just enough in there that seems true or in alignment with how you view yourself, making you ignore or excuse that which does not quite fit with who you are.

Well, pretty much anyone who knows me fairly well knows that identifying me as 'introverted' is an outright lie (although I do tend to approach new social situations hesitantly, observing for a while before interacting and make close friends slowly, along with a slew of other 'introverted' characteristics).  Given these characteristics, maybe there are just not that many people who get to see me in my attention hogging element.  I mean, I am sure that if any of the people I went to school with remember who I am, they would describe me as quiet, shy, and, yeah...introverted.  If any of my close friends and family were to describe me?  Totally. Different. Story.

Now, this has changed a lot in the last four years or so, for a variety of reasons.  College, China, gained experience, loss of fear, growing into the personal I want to be...I could go on (seriously, I feel like the last few years have just been one Big Bang in my own personal cosmos).  Along with this growth and self realization, I also came to the conclusion that I didn't really change all that much.

I have always, to a certain degree, craved the spotlight.  Even when I was back in grade school.  I wanted to interact with people and answer all those questions the teacher posed to the class.  I always had a quite a few thoughts, opinions, comments, snide remarks, and witticisms floating around in my brain. It was not a lack of desire to be in the thick of things that got in my way.  There was just a great deal of fear stopping me.

I didn't answer the teacher's questions because what if I was wrong?  Or what if the other students thought I was super lame for actually caring about school work--don't judge, we were all fifteen once, right? I didn't interact with too many of my peers because what if I said something silly?  What if I said something that proved what a huge nerd I was or how much I didn't know about whatever it is that teens are supposed to care about (clothes, makeup, sex, fashion, music, television, etc).

Well, as I have talked about briefly in some other blog posts, I have let a lot of that fear go (probably too much of it--fear keeps us from doing stupid things).  Without this fear, I feel like I have been able to grow into a person that is not operating at so many extremes--its so much nicer to be yourself always, rather than slightly (or sometimes extremely) modified versions of yourself.  I mean, if you're buried under layers of social anxiety and such, it's no wonder you check "needs a lot of time alone" on those personality tests--it's the only time  you get to be yourself!

And thus for those people walking around, cloaked under introversion, but craving the spotlight, I have a invented (alert Websters!) a new name for you--A Closet Extrovert.  You know who you are--you want that attention.  You go to karaoke bars and then don't sing, or only sing after you've knocked back a few and only then if you are part of a large group (and you always stay in the back).  You are the one sitting in class silently fuming because you have reached whatever conclusion the teacher is spoon feeding the rest of the class, and we all could have been spared this slow torture if you'd just raised your hand 30 minutes ago. You're the person who is posting a bunch of really awesome stuff online and your screen name is a series of emoticons (unless you are posting something sensitive about where you work or you live in some kind of oppressive government state, this level of anonymity is unnecessary).

I am not saying there are not honest to god introverts, because of course they're are.  There are people who take one look at karaoke and shudder.  I am also not saying that I do not frequently need to retreat into somewhere quiet and chill with a book for a few hours after I have spent the day doing social things.  Or days where I don't talk to anyone. I still maintain a small group of really close friends (everyone else qualifies as friendly acquaintances).  If there is one thing I have learned about going from living alone to back with my parents is this: I LOVE LIVING ALONE.  I love having my own space. I love being able to walk around the house talking to myself about stupid topics and busting out a few less-than-coordinated dance moves and knowing that no-one is going to walk in on me.   I suppose these qualities make up the more introverted part of my personality.

But I also love being around people. I love big cities. I love drawing on the energy from big groups of people like some kind of vampire.  I mean, what feels so good about coming home and being alone is having come from being out with friends and having a good time.  My personality has some distinct extroverted flavor. When I finish being cloistered in my room for hours after reading a book, guess what I do first? I go find someone and ramble on endlessly about the book I just read.  I love making people laugh and the energy you get from hanging out with others.  Although, I will admit, I do prefer to tackle time with my friends in a one-to-one, or group-of-three-or-fewer basis.  Not because seeing them all together is overwhelming, but because I like to devote all my time and attention to that friend--I feel like that strengthens and affirms our friendship, rather than dividing my attention between five or seven of them.

I have gotten rid of a lot of that fear I was carrying around. I only care about the opinions of those I love and respect, or those pertaining directly to my career.  Everyone else?  Who cares?  As for singing in karaoke bars?  Bring it--I mean what is the difference, really, between four walls and a room full of drunk strangers I will never see again?  Nothing.  Drunk strangers = just as good as singing alone.   Someone thinking that my behavior is silly or whatever is their right as an observational human being, and of absolutely no consequence to me (you  know, unless they're my boss).

I think trying to fit people into either introverted or extroverted is limiting.  I mean, I appreciate my years as being effectively mute in social situations.  Its made me pretty good at reading people.  It's also made me a pretty good listener and a patient, empathetic person.  I also appreciate those extroverted qualities.  I like being able to mingle with strangers (thank you, customer service job) without having a panic attack.  I like being able to freely share my thoughts and opinions on a bunch of topics.  I like holding an audience captive--either my friends, my family, my classes--and having the spotlight on me.

I bet there are a lot of people out there who don't really fit into the introvert category, even if they do exhibit some distinct introverted qualities.  Even if they do prefer some quality solo time and are exhausted by other humans.   I bet they look at that introverted description and feel that there is something missing.  Same for the ones that qualify as extroverted.   Maybe this deserves to be a both/and sort of discussion, rather than and either/or.

Like I said, I have been thinking about this more in the last few years, largely when confronted with the stark contrast of the image of myself when I was 18 to the person I have morphed into.  I wonder how many extroverts might be hidden away under layers of fear-based introversion (again, there are real introverts, I am not saying there aren't) who maybe just haven't realized their hidden extroverted personality components?

Checklist

As I believed I have mentioned before, my mechanism for coping with my pre-China anxiety was to simply go to sleep, where I could not think about it any longer.  For Bahrain, it seems to be to avoid thinking about it all together.  Unless I get an email from the school asking me to complete the next step in the process of getting me over there (physical, visa, etc), whenever I start thinking about the mundane things I have to do to get ready (what to pack, what to ship, etc) I generally just sort of shake my head, and think, "later, I'll worry about it later...I'll sit down tonight and make a list of what I need."  Well, later is always filled with other things, and so later just keeps getting pushed further and further back.

Well, I finally figured out that it is probably time to stop doing that, especially after a friend reminded me that pretty soon later is going to turn into right now. She also reminded me of how much I do not like being stressed about last minute plans. I manage to roll with the punches, but it takes a toll on my mental well being when I am rushed.  What can I say, I'm a planner.

So, as I started to sit down and make my list of what to bring, I was struck by how different this list is from my list before I went to China.  For China, my primary concern was making sure I had enough professional clothing/outfits to get me through a few weeks of teaching and that were also appropriate for the weather I could expect in Hangzhou.  Well, it turns out in China that as long as you are not in ripped jeans and something showing way too much cleavage, pretty much anything goes.  It is also perfectly acceptable in China to wear the same outfit more than once per week, and even consecutively.  Thus, I found myself completely discarding half of my wardrobe (cuz who wants to wear dress slacks and blazers if you don't have to, am I right?)  However, I am pretty sure my suitcases were stuffed almost exclusively with clothes (I had some make up, bath stuff, and a towel, that I can remember).

Bahrain is a completely different story.  Yes, I am still packing a variety of clothes, but I have been teaching long enough to know what is professional and what is not, and I have been instructed by the school as to what is acceptable for teachers to wear and what is advisable for women to wear (culturally) when out and about town.  So I am good there.  However, I find my self thinking of a bunch of other things that I would not have considered packing for my maiden travel experience.  If you're considering spending a lengthy stay in a place far from home--I am talking at least six months--you might want to think about a few of these things.

Disposable Razors and Shaving Cream:
Naturally occurring body hair is not nearly as repulsive, and therefore in need of regular removal, in other countries as it is in America. Thus, it was difficult (or near impossible) to find razors in China.  And none of them were disposable--they were the electric kind men shave their faces with and not at all cheap.   I would like to tell you that this experience made me appreciative of the ways our cultures manipulate us into buying into certain standard of beauty and I became more comfortable with body in it's more natural (and hairy) state.  This did not happen; I just wore long pants/leggings/tights and was careful not to raise my arms.  Then I had my mom ship me a razor and about three containers of replacement blades.

Brand Specific Feminine Products:
Just trust me on this.  Bring lots of whatever it is you use.

Decor:
Most often in these teach abroad positions, you are given housing--it is an apartment that someone lived in for their two year contract and someone else will live there after your two years are over.  These types of places typically come fully furnished, but do not come fully decorated; most people on a temporary assignment (though two years is a long time) do not invest in decorating.  Thus, this time around I will be bringing photos of friends, family, and landscapes, so I can cover those bare, unfamiliar walls with pictures of people and places that I love.  And there really is nothing more depressing than stark white walls in a new place all by yourself. Tons of photos do not take up much room in a carry-on and can seriously ease that first initial wave of home sickness in a new place. It also helps to make that stark new environment feel like your home.

Brand new small clothes:
I am talking largely about bras and underwear.  I do not think it will be too difficult to find these products in Bahrain, but in China, my chest size was massive (compared to the locals).  It was near impossible to find a bra in my size.  And as you can imagine, wearing the same bras for a year and a half?  Yeah, not so supportive at the end of 18 months.  Thus, this time around I will be bringing brand new never before worn bras and they will go in the back of my unmentionables drawer to be used when my current set has run it's course.
Tangentially related to this, you might want to bring extras of whatever you use a lot.  Run all the time?  Grab an extra (and new) pair of running shoes.  Whatever you have that gets a lot of wear, you should try to bring an extra of it.

Food: 
Okay, now it would be a huge waste of space to bring a lot of food from home.  And hey, the whole point of living in another country is to acquire and develop an understanding an appreciation for all facets of another culture, including food.  All of this sounds well and good for about four months until you just want a taste of home that is not fast food; you want home.  The biggest thing I missed about American food while I was in China was what was made in my parents house, not what I could get at restaurants. Thus, I will be bringing a bag of the popcorn my family uses and the spices they put on it, so when I am feeling like a little taste of home, I have that option.

You may be going through and thinking about all this extra stuff and where is it going to fit in the carry on and one checked bag you are now allowed on international flights.  Well, it's not.   I will be paying a $75 baggage fee for each of two extra bags for my trip to Bahrain; I will not be worried about not having what I need and want this time around.  The extra money is worth it, trust me.

Sweet Tooth

I won't say no one knows sugar like America, because I haven't been everywhere else, and I have heard things about Belgium that makes me think I have yet to really understand sugar.  But China does not do sugar the same way America does sugar.  Maybe sugar is the wrong word, given our use of fructose and other such syrups...let's say no one does sweet like America does sweet, including China.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, especially if we are paying attention to the rise in childhood diabetes and childhood obesity; we should probably cut out the sugar.  Especially all the super refined, not-easily-processed-by-our-bodies sugars and syrups...and  do not get me started on the artificial sweeteners. However, today  I will spare you from the rest of my rant on sugar (it's a good one though, ranging from obesity to the roots of political instability in South America).

While I was in China I had no particular problem with this lack of sugar, not having much of a sweet tooth.  However, if you are someone who really loves a good hit of sugar every once and a while (or everyday), China was like a sugarless wasteland.  Our students would frequently try to feed us, especially if they discovered that whatever they were snacking on was not something we had in the States (which was pretty much everything).  So, they would allow us to sample of their snacks, a treat that we approached with a considerable amount of trepidation every single time.

I mean, I ate some strange stuff in China; most of it was wonderful...some of it was awful in the extreme.  By agreeing to try a snack offered to us by our students we were not only taking a risk with out taste-buds (which could easily recover) but also in disappointing our students if we didn't like it--and were unable to disguise the depth of our dislike.  You also had no idea where the student obtained the food they were offering (most of it was in wrapped packages, but sometimes it looked more like what you would get a bulk foods--a clear plastic back filled with food) and so whether or not your body was going to forcibly eject that food in eight hours was always in the back of our minds.

But when it came to sweet things, our students always felt the need to warn us, "Careful, Rachel, this is very sweet."  So we'd brace ourselves for an onslaught of cotton candy-like sweetness...only to be met with something about as sweet as a Nutrigrain bar or Fig Newton.  Every time we were given this warning, we were given something that most Americans would  not consider overly sweet, and certainly not sweet enough to merit a warning.

Look at their expectant faces...and look at our fear.  MUST. NOT. DISAPPOINT! 

Thus bereft of a bountiful and varied supply of sugar (you could buy Snickers bars almost every where in China, and if you were desperate, there is a Hershey's store in Shanghai)  we began to rely on other sources of sugar for our daily dose of sweetness. 

I would say my largest source of sugar in China was through Milk Tea.  Milk tea is quite literally the greatest beverage that has ever been invented and consumed and its lack of pervasiveness into American culture is one of the most intolerable things about being home.  Now, you might be thinking, "I've had milk tea (and it's even more amazing cousin, bubble tea) here in America!"  Well, yes, we have establishments in America that sell this ambrosia, but in China (and elsewhere in Asia, I'm sure) milk tea shops are on every street.  Sometimes there are three or four on one street alone!  Milk Tea is available everywhere, and we did partake of it on a daily basis.

I don't have a single picture of me drinking milk tea! I don't know how that happened.  But here's a menu from my very favorite milk tea chain. 

My second favorite source of sugar was something called an egg tart.  I cannot remember the first time I had one of these--it may have been through my students, or it may have been through one of the other teachers (Justin was a big fan of trying out local sweets).  However, it only took one bite of them to fall in love with this particular treat; they are not overly sweet (because nothing really is), but just sweet enough to not be bland.  They consist of an egg-based custard that has been baked into a flaky, buttery pastry shell.  You can get them with filling, such as red bean or taro, or you can get them plain (my favorite); they sell for about 2 yuan a piece at vendors that are almost as commonplace as milk tea vendors.

Amanda here continues to be my camera woman, dedicated to capturing those moments I did not get on film while I was in China...and she has an excuse to eat egg tarts.  

Of course, as I was saying above with my students, China has things they consider to be sweet.  They have cakes and pastries and candies.  However, as an American used to the super sweetness of corn syrup, these "sweets" were not all together sweet.  We would try cakes whose texture was altogether more spongy than what we were used to, minimally frosted, and filled or topped (or both) with fruit...this included tomatoes.  I don't think there is anything less reminiscent in the minds of Americans of cake than tomatoes.  But there they were, sitting on top of the cake next to slices of pineapple, like they belonged there.

They also have a variety of pastries; lots of green tea or taro flavored things, or pastries stuffed with taro or red bean filling.  Many were stuffed with a simple cream--these were my favorites. But despite the cream filling, the "sweets" in China were not in the least overwhelmingly sweet, despite any dire warnings from our students.  If you wanted the sweet stuff, you had to raid the imports section in large grocery stores.

Here are some average sweets.  Lots of sesame and black sesame filled or covered things.  Along with red bean, green tea, and taro flavored/filled goodies.  And cream puffs. 

Street Food: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

A few posts ago I wrote about how much effort my fellow expats and I went though to find American food while we were in China.  However, I really must stress (again) how much I enjoyed Chinese food, which is what I ate on a day-to-day basis; the American food was for whenever I needed a cheese fix.

While we mostly ate in restaurants (even if some were the size of a closet), a lot of our "between meals" food was street food.  Many of my breakfasts and lunches were also street food; I would grab dumplings or buns from a vendor before classes, or a sandwich thing from a man behind a window (I don't know if this is street food per-say, as he wasn't in the street, but you couldn't go sit down inside either as their was no restaurant--just a dude selling meat pockets from a window).

My own personal  Chinese food pyramid.  Don't worry, the cool pictures are further down. 

If you are going to be visiting a place for only a short period of time (less then a month) I would consider being cautious with street food.  The lasts thing you want to be worrying about on a vacation is where the nearest bathroom is because you are, at any given time, a stomach rumble away from a gastrointestinal catastrophe (think unstoppable landslide or what happened to Mt. St. Helens).   And given the fact you are going to spending a lot of time on buses and other forms of public transit that do not have toilets, getting a sudden case the runs is going to result in something America has not prepared you for--I have heard horror stories of people who wished they had packed an extra pair of pants in their bag that day.  I have been a part of a mad dash off the bus to the nearest possible toilet. You don't want this kind of experience marring (skidding?) your vacation, trust me.

However, if you are going to be living in a place for several months or even years, then you have no excuse for not jumping head first into all kinds of food experiences, including street food.  What is street food?  Well, I guess I would categorize it as anything sold out of some kind of mobile or temporary restaurant.  So, someone selling it on a cart or stand, or someone who is able to set up a sort of restaurant that can be packed up and  moved to a new location if need be.

In China, the street food is everywhere and covers a lot of different food groups.  Many of them are grills, which are mobile, and are out around dinner time and remain out until close to midnight.  They set up their carts on busy street corners (especially around shopping districts, clubbing districts, or high-traffic night life areas) and start grilling, luring in peckish pedestrians with the tantalizing smells of grilled, cheap food.

The grills are going to offer you any kind of grilled meat on a stick.  Beef, pork, chicken, squid, shrimp (and in more remote areas whole birds, lizards, etc).  They will also grill you up so some rice, noodles in a variety of shapes and styles. Mixed with this rice or noodles are a variety of veggies and your choice of meat, usually topped off with a fried egg (this was my lunch every day at school, although it was not sold on the street, but at a permanent shop--you didn't eat in the shop, you ordered your food and left--there was no seating).

You will also find people standing at corners next to these big round tins.  Th first time I saw one I thought it was a homeless person, because that is sort of what the set up looks like--a homeless person standing around a can with fire in it for warmth.  But that is not what it is; it is a man selling nice, warm, roasted things--typically sweet potatoes and they are so good! Other vendors sell roasted chestnuts, which are also awesome.

For those of you with a sweet tooth, you will find vendors with sugar spun into pretty shapes that you can suck on like awkward lollipops.  Or, my personal favorite, fruit that has been dipped in hot sugar.  When it dries it creates a semi-hard candy shell around the fruit.  They are so good...and it's healthy, because its fruit...

Sometimes you turn a corner that you've walked down a hundred times before, but today there are a bunch of people on the side walk selling all manner of produce--fruits, veggies, live chickens and ducks.  They will also have some fruit all ready and mounted on a stick in case all you feel like at the moment is a quick, cheap treat on your way to wherever you are headed.  Pineapple on a stick was my personal favorite. 

I have some of the best, and some of the very worst, food in my whole life from street vendors.  I have had a hot dog that nearly made me gag, and I have had lamb that nearly made me cry, it was just that good.   My advice for street food is to always try it.  Generally, trust your nose--if it smells good, it probably tastes good and vice verse (I don't care what the Chinese say about stinky tofu (臭豆腐), nothing that smells like that could possibly taste good).  However, take some risks sometimes; eat something you are not sure of; either you will love it and have a new favorite food or you will hate it and have a fun new story to tell everyone back home.  Street food is a win-win...except for your digestive system; always plan on popping some Imodium, but don't let it stop you from trying.

Ah street food. 

Many of these fantastic photographs were taken by Miss Amanda who is still in Hangzhou, and wonderfully willing to take pictures of things I never thought to photograph while I was there.  She's the best.

China v.s. Bahrian: Preparations

So, I am going to Bahrain in four months.  I have completed my physical, signed my contract, and got all my paperwork in order. 

I have to say, I am still pretty chill about the whole thing...as long as I don't think about it too much.  If I dig beneath the layers, I start to feel these little bursts of anxiety.  It's kind of like when you wiggle a sore tooth; you push it and prod it, until you get that sharp pain, and then you stop and leave it alone.  That is what I do when I think of Bahrain; if I start thinking about it too much, I feel that anxiety start to bubble up, and immediately start thinking about something else--burying those anxiety causing thoughts under layers of much more pleasant thoughts such as "what's for lunch?" Or I throw  myself into some kind of project, like a blog post or deciding all the furniture in my room needs to be moved around.   So basically I go about my life not really thinking about Bahrain, beyond getting the things done I to in order to leave.   So I am not really sure how I feel about it (as many have been asking where my head is at concerning my upcoming departure).

This is in stark contrast to my pre-China emotions.  From the moment I learned that I was going to China--because I did not find out I had the job until mid-May (and me without my passport...)--it was on my mind 24/7.  China was literally on my mind from the moment I woke up in the morning til I went to sleep at night; sleep was my only respite--which was often interrupted and fitful.  I would find myself standing in front of my mirror, toothbrush half hanging out of my mouth; I have no idea how long I'd been standing there staring at myself (long enough for the line of toothpaste drool to dry a little) just thinking about all the "what ifs" concerning China. "How am I going to teach ESL? My background is in Social Studies."  "Where I am going to live?"  "How am I supposed to get around?" "Where will I live?" "Should I learn Chinese? Maybe I can audit a course over the summer?" "What if this is just some elaborate scam? Is there a real-life Liam Neesson and can I get his number?"  I would find myself immobile in the middle of tasks (pouring milk, getting something out of the fridge, taking someones order at work), staring into space, thinking about China.

Of course part of my lack of anxiety might be that this will not be my first rodeo (finally--it seems like my life has been full of firsts the last couple of years). I may not have been to Bahrain (or anywhere in the region) before, but I have traveled and lived abroad before.  I know that I don't really know what its going to be like, so what-ifs are sort of useless.  I also know that its not going to be terrible, or wonderful; it will just be life--just like life anywhere else.

I think another contributing factor in my emotional tranquility about this move is I that I have known about it since January.  In the case of China, I had emailed my former professor about employment, but other than a brief email indicating excitement over my interest in the job, I did not get the good news (that I was hired) until the day after graduation in May.  In the case of Bahrain, I had been looking for a position for eight months and planned for the job fair months in advance.  While I had not given much thought to Bahrain in particular, I had done some research on the country.  I knew the countries represented at this fair, and I knew that I would be applying for a social studies position, and I knew that if I was offered a job, it would begin in the following September at one of those per-researched countries.  Additionally, thanks to the exhaustive data available on the Search Associates website, I also knew the relative salary and benefits of the schools attending the fair.

Perhaps a third reason for my relative calmness on Bahrain is how "legitimate" finding this particular job was. I mean, I have no complaints about how I got to China (especially since I had no problems).  I owe a great deal to my professor for not only the invite, but arranging my transportation, and getting me settled when I arrived.  However I had little communication with the school that was hiring me; I did not sign a contract until I had been in the country for two weeks--I went to China on the basis of an email.   My  job in Bahrain, however, was found through a company called Search Associates.  This company charges a membership fee, requires you to fill out a very detailed personal and professional background, educational background, a biography, explanation of your educational philosophy, and requires a minimum of five letters of recommendation.  If you are approved, you are allowed access to a data base of fully vetted schools (and they have access to your profile) looking for teachers in our field.  You are also invited to a job fair (held in locations all around the world) that brings recruiters and teachers together for interviews.   I mean China turned out just fine (awesome, actually) but if it hadn't, I am pretty sure people would be saying, "Well, what did you expect, Rach, you went on the basis of a few emails with a virtual stranger!"  There is something reassuring (if more time-consuming and expensive) about going through a company.

I think the reason why I have not been delving too deeply into my feelings on Bahrain is not only because of the anxiety that actually exists about my trip, but (and I know this sounds insane) because I am afraid of being afraid of this move.  And I desperately don't want to be afraid (and constantly thinking about) my experience in Bahrain the way I was about China.  The level of anxiety I had about China was all consuming, and since I have months to go still on leaving for Bahrain, I do not want to have that same ever-present anxiety eating at me for all that time. 

Since thinking about why I am not thinking about Bahrain has in fact, got me thinking about Bahrain, I have noticed some things that are encouraging.  I've felt these little bursts, that sometimes feel like anxiety, but I think are actually excitement.  The kind of excitement you get before doing something crazy, like roller coasters or bungee jumping.  I mean, you are excited, but also nervous, and sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.  But I think this is excitement; I am leaving the familiar and foraying into the unfamiliar.  There will be new things to explore.  I will be working full time in what I have been trained to do. There are new challenges awaiting me; new job, new country, new apartment, new culture, (new Rachel? Probably unavoidable).  It's a lot to be anxious about, but it's also a lot to be pretty stoked about; I am not sure which one I am (probably a healthy mix of both) but I am going to see how much longer I can get away with "I'll think about it tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day.*"


Rachel Elizabeth


*Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind,

Fixing Reverse Culture Shock One Expat at a Time

So this is pretty much a shout-out post.   Recently, I was contacted by Amanda, the author of a travel blog I'm Not a Ballerina.   This blog contains the many and varied travel experiences had by Amanda (and others!), along with her thoughts on the importance of travel.  It is a great site for those in the midst of travel, about to travel, or still dreaming of the days when you will travel.

In addition to her own travel blog, she has a fantastic new site called Fix Reverse Culture Shock dedicated to being a resource for those of us who have traveled abroad and have found ourselves at a bit of a loss upon reentry into our country.  I can only say that I wish I had a resource like this one when I came back to the States. I am not sure there is any way you can fully prepare yourself for reverse culture shock before you come home, but it is darn sure wonderful to hear that you are not the only person struggling to re-acclimate to your homeland. I would recommend anyone thinking about coming back home to spend some time on this website...and then revisit it at different points in your re-acculturation process.

This brings me to how exactly I came across Amanda's websites. She left a wonderfully complimentary comment on one of my previous posts, How to Talk to the Repatriated, and followed up said comment with an email.  In this email she asked if I would be willing to do a post/interview for her new website-all about reverse culture shock.  After the the thoughts "omg, omg, omg" zipped through my head and I danced around my room a few dozen times, I managed to contain my excitement long enough to send a reply email, which basically went like this: "OMG I WOULD LOVE TO! THANKYOUSOMUCH!!"  Or something to that effect.  (I think I managed to be slightly more professional in my email)

That interview can be found here!  Thank you again, Amanda, for making my week and for inviting me to contribute to a wonderful  (and vital) cause.

How to Talk to the Repatriated

I have read several blog posts over the past year about living abroad, and how these experiences largely benefit your live in so many ways.  I recently read a post about why studying/living abroad ruins lives.  Of course, it was entirely satire, poking fun at the excuses people give for why they choose not to live/work/study in another country.  I recommend you read it--if you've lived abroad, you will find it funny.  If you are on the fence about making the decision to study abroad, it might make you realize that some of your excuses against the experience are probably invalid (or at least worth rethinking). However, this article did get me thinking about some of the quirks that people do come home with after spending significant time abroad.  Because we do not come home the same people we were when we left (that would be impossible) and talking to us (especially shortly after we arrive home) can be a bit of a minefield.  So here is some advice for reestablishing contact with someone who has spent significant time abroad.  Or, if you are one of those recently returned expats, how to become aware of your behavior upon reentry--if only I'd written this for myself months ago ;)

1.  Try to be patient with us. 

We seem to have an overpowering need to talk about our travels.  I mean, literally every sentence in a conversation we are in begins with, "Well, while I was in Country X...."  This is does not happen for a few days or even a few weeks.  It takes months.  Months until we stop automatically comparing everything to what happened while we were abroad.  It is even worse if we do not live near anyone who shared that experience with us; we must share all these details.  A big part of the reason I have this blog is solely to give me an outlet to talk about China.  What this means for you (especially if you live/work with us) is that you are going to hear a lot about things you might not always be in the mood to listen to. We appreciate your attentive listening while we try to process some pretty overwhelming reverse culture shock...for months.

2.  Be specific in the questions you ask your recently repatriated comrade.

I find myself extremely irritated with the phrase, "So, how was China?"  So, how was China?!  I don't know, pal, can you summarize the last two years of your life?  Because I sure can't.  This means that my answer usually goes something like this: "It was cool."  Which leaves my listener obviously wanting to know more, but both of us just kind of standing there awkwardly.

So, here is my advice.  There is something specific you want to know about.  Everyone I have talked to has wanted to know about a certain aspect of China--the economy, the food, toilets, communism, the deep social and cultural differences in the values on education, etc.  For some reason they feel like "so how was China?" needs to be their opening conversational volley.  Trust me when I say this is unnecessary--just launch right into the topic you are interested in--ask me, "hey Rachel, so what was your favorite food in China?" or "how does the pollution compare to what CNN is reporting?"  If you honestly don't know what you want to know about China, but want to (or feel obligated to) talk to me about it anyway, pick a topic and lead with that one.  For example, "Rachel, where did you live?"  This will launch me into an over-detailed description of my apartment and my campus and likely spawn new questions and the dialogue continues.  And I don't feel like I have to wrap up two years of my life in one to three really lame adjectives.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate people who just start asking me questions.  I also cannot really explain or justify the rage I feel when I hear, "so, how was China?"

3.  Understand what you don't understand.

Look, as an American, you are no different than 85% of the people living in the other countries in the world.  What does this mean? It means that you don't (unless you are part of that 15%) have a clue what's happening in the rest of the world. You have no reason to--it's not part of your everyday.  It's hard enough keeping up with what's happening in America (not that you are likely on top of that either, if we're being totally honest with ourselves).  I am no different, really--except now I've had this experience in another country.  Now I am not just familiar with America, but also China and Chinese culture. And now I get this urge to slap people when they make ignorant or offensive statements/questions about China.  You should know I also had the urge to slap people in China when they made equally ignorant/offensive comments/questions about America.  Which happened frequently.

We understand the reason you are making these statements or asking these questions is because you don't know or understand, and you are trying to gain that knowledge so you can understand.  My advice here is just to be careful how you phrase things.  So instead of saying something like, "Omg, how did you stand it there, they say China is so dirty."  Say something like this, "So, is it really as polluted as they say it is?  How did you deal with that pollution?"  It answers your question about how I deal with the pollution (because it exists) and also acknowledges that the question you are asking might be based on faulty info (the pollution is not nearly as bad as it is stated on CNN, unless you are in Beijing on a particularly bad day).  Or another example, "Hey, Rachel, you miss eating cat everyday?"  I never ate cat.  I can't remember ever even having the option to eat cat (I can't say the same for dog).  The truth is, yeah, people in other countries eat things that we may or may not consider to be food.  We eat some stuff that other countries find repulsive--ask other countries what they think of our breakfast cereal or our cheese or the pervasiveness of sugar.  But instead of being offensive, and showing off how much you don't know about another country, instead ask, "Hey Rachel, what was the craziest thing you ate?" (The answer to that would be scorpion).

4.  Try to take what we say about our "home away from home" with a grain of salt.

I am not kidding about the length of time someone is stuck in reverse culture shock.  It is literally months.  And every once and a while we relapse.  Depending on which way our internal pendulum is falling, we may be sweetly nostalgic about the country we lived in; we are talking about how much we loved it and all the things we miss.  We might be on the opposite end of the spectrum, talking about how frustrated we were, how much we hated everything, and how nothing could get us to go back.  You're gonna get whiplash listening to us ping pong between these extremes of love and hate. 

This can be particularly confusing if you are considering going to this country yourself.  Do not be discouraged when we rant, and do not be swayed when we wax poetic.  Life there was pretty much like life anywhere, with it's ups and downs, it's highs and lows.   So if you are thinking about making a move, where we lived was not as awesome as we proclaimed it to be nor as terrible as we bitched about.  My advice will always be to live/work abroad for a while; it's just a good experience.  You will be a better person.  You will enjoy it, and you will not regret it.  But you gotta do what's right for you, and go where you think is best, when you think it's right--for you.

5.  Try to avoid being around a group (four or more) of people who have lived abroad. 

You might think, hey, I know all these people who have been abroad....wouldn't it be great if I got them all together?  Maybe you are playing matchmaker, maybe you are just thinking of the crazy conversations that might happen, maybe you just want to hang out with all of us at once.  Let me tell you why this is a bad idea.

People who have been abroad are obnoxious when they are all together.  It's like somehow, it turns into a competition of who had the best/worst/most extreme/saddest/most difficult/frustrating/WHATEVER experience while they had while abroad.  It doesn't start out that way.  It usually just starts with one person sharing an experience.  Then the someone else needs to share a comparable experience.  Then someone else needs to build on that.  I can't really explain it, but I hate it and it seems to happen whenever you get groups of us together.  Some of the conversation at the international job fair I went to proved to be some of the most irritating of my life; I have never hated myself more than when I was caught up in this competition of experiences.   Personally, I just try my best to avoid these kinds of conversations altogether, but it took me a while to learn (and it sometimes still happens).  I also recommend you avoid large groups of expats when you get back--should you also be living abroad or thinking about living abroad--so you can avoid getting sucked into these kinds of conversations.

If you find  yourself surrounded by a flock of repatriates, try to forgive the conversational sinkhole we will find ourselves in.  Or even better, try and redirect our conversation to other topics.


This advice is based solely on my own personal experiences having come home, and having driven friends and family nuts during my everlasting re-acculturation period.